Well, we’re ten episodes in now. Really starting to get the hang of this podcasting thing, except for accidentally erasing the Buttigieg sketch. It was great. You would have loved it.
One of the exciting things about podcasting is all the perks. It’s incredible what “I’ll have you know you’re talking to a podcaster!” can get you. Booked restaurants suddenly have a table. The cable guy shows up on time. You get access to Subway Plus, which you likely didn’t even know about. Leather seats, snacks, no mysterious floor liquids. If anyone so much as starts to put on a dance routine, panhandles, or plays music — they are immediately escorted off the train while it’s moving. So nice.
But an even more exciting thing is the availability of detailed statistics. Watching the surge of downloads that follows the release of an episode is really fun. Watching it spread – like radioactive steam from a Soviet misadventure in nuclear engineering — is a joy. As of this writing, Questionable Material has been downloaded by humans in every state of the union.
Which kind of makes sense, because Alaska is very big and filled with bears. A lot of the people there are busy running for their lives. One can be forgiven for not firing up a podcast while being pursued by a grizzly. You’d hope they might do so later if they survived and the adrenaline wore off, but let’s not judge.
Plus, they have Canada to the east. Those people cannot be trusted, so at any given time one has to assume there’s a hastily assembled militia standing near the Alaska/Canada border. You can’t listen to a comedy podcast if you’re worried some Canuck might be creeping up to fling poutine at you.
So, Alaska, you are forgiven.
However, it’s tough not to notice that people in countries like Korea, Qatar, Japan and even laughably tiny Luxembourg have managed to listen to our podcast. Italy, Denmark. Brazil. Saudi Arabia. All popping up on the ol’ radar. Panama, New Zealand, Ireland. We could go on, but won’t. India. France.
Anyway, Alaska, you’re dealing with podcasters. You think Mexican cartels are bad? Child’s play. If no one is on board by Episode 14, our forgiveness expires like two-week old egg nog. In the words of 13^th Century badass Hulagu Khan:
I will bring you down from the spinning spheres;
I will toss you in the air like a lion.
I will leave no one alive in your realm;
I will burn your city and your lands.
You have four episodes to set things right, Alaska.
Meanwhile, all the other states are great! It’s fun to watch the numbers rise (this is called go-upping in the podcasting and hedge fund world). All the numbers have been go-upping, which is exactly what you want to happen. If they start go-downing, that’s when you reconsider what you’re up to and maybe change your podcast logo to have a pretty lady on it. All of our podcast research showed that pretty lady logos are very successful, regardless of podcast content.
Speaking of content, one has to keep creating it. And that means when inspiration strikes, you mustn’t think about the glances you might get on the subway when making voice notes like, “a scene about a Nazi who won’t stop talking about poo poo.”
Once again, thank you for your support and for being the earliest listeners to Questionable Material. If you like it, please review it – it does make a lot of difference for a new podcast. You can use Apple Podcasts or the new entry to the field called Podchaser which is like an IMDB, but for podcasts.
And to those of you who’ve been posting, retweeting, commenting and generally spreading the word—thank you very, very much!
Jack & Brian