Review of the DDR Museum

Review of the DDR Museum

5/5

Do you know a college-aged child who un-ironically hangs a Soviet flag in his paid-for private college dorm room, while tweeting Leninisms and disdain for capitalism via his iPhone?

Bring him to the DDR Museum!

The DDR Museum is a celebration of the glorious years of the communist-run German Democratic Republic — the country that existed from shortly after World War II, until the whole experiment spontaneously collapsed. By collapsed, I mean a wall literally came down and people flooded out of the cracks because communism is super fantastic.

The museum is filled with the experiences one enjoys when the state controls the economy: Queuing up for empty stores, drinking coffee that isn’t coffee, and driving the remarkable Trabant automobile – a semi-plastic micro-vehicle with an asthmatic two-stroke engine, brakes that break, no gas gauge, and a 10-year wait to buy one (for a year’s salary).

Your aspiring revolutionary can learn how kindergarten kids were made to poop together so as to reinforce the collectivist ideals upon which communism is based. They can watch profoundly optimistic state broadcasts which reminded citizens that despite their personal experiences, everything was better than it was in the countries they weren’t allowed to visit.

The museum recreates the living rooms, bedrooms, kitchens and prison cells one would have experienced living in a communist state. Visitors can even pretend to be a member of the Stasi secret police, eavesdropping on conversations and building files on the miscreants and ne’er-do-wells who didn’t share the People’s Enthusiasm.

There are games to be played, quizzes to be taken and absurdities to ponder. One can even look at a roll of phenomenally rough communist toilet paper and imagine what it would do to their delicate, capitalist bums.

After 2-3 hours in the museum, any Stalin apologist should have a much better understanding of Marx’s paradise. If they do not, then they should offer no protest when you declare your intent to evenly distribute all future tuition, allowance and inheritance.

Was there an upside to communistic East Germany? Yes, everyone went to the beach naked as a form of peaceful protest, and there are lots of pictures.

From Brian’s review of the DDR Museum on Yelp.

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