Episode 15 Show Notes

Episode 15 Show Notes

The Cardi B open was inspired by Cardi B.

It is true that Jack was briefly Editor-in-Chief of Juggs magazine, which is hilarious in and of itself. Taking a bizarre job in order to have an experience you can later write about isn’t uncommon, but doing it for seven months is. It’s a tragedy that the issues he penned were thrown out by his mom. No idea if the magazine is still in print, but they do not seem to have any kind of internet presence. If you have a 2004 issue of Juggs there is a 58% chance that Jack is the one who wrote it. His pen name was Steve Baxter.

Here is the article about Intimacy Coordinators from Vanity Fair magazine. It’s a new profession, it’s kind of weird, and I’m curious how directors are going to react to having someone tell them they have to change a scene in their film.

Here’s the story of the obese ISIS cleric “Jabba the Jihadi” that Iraqi commandos caught.


Wow brand-new and surprisingly
articulate music from cardi B songs
called bitch I’m gonna shit your carpet
and cut you stay with us top of the hour
we’re gonna be joined by celebrity food
blogger Sarah Grossman who’s gonna share
with us a recipe she stole from
Epicurious three minutes of
commercial-free music coming up but
first questionable material with Jack
and Briah
you are listening to questionable
material with this episode the movies
that didn’t get made an intimacy
coordinator what time does this podcast
air that’s the that’s the magic of
podcast jacket ears whenever the
listener wants to hear it so let’s say
your name is Brendon okay Brendon I
wouldn’t call myself that that’s stupid
if somebody named you Brendon you have
no choice if your name is Brendon you
you wake up at 4:30 in the morning
because do they all Brendan’s do
actually okay let’s say you don’t know
that no I guess I’m dating myself or
embarrassingly I just read more Teen
Vogue okay so all Brendan’s get up at
4:30 in the morning right they want a
podcast because they’re maybe they’re
jogging mm-hmm to work or they’re going
to the gym getting where they go to work
in Brendan’s not afford cars no I don’t
know a single Brendon who owns a car
there’s no it’s weird isn’t it weird
well I mean it’s because they’re so it’s
like red-haired people they’re just
contemptible we call them gingers Jack
okay I’m sorry I didn’t mean to any
property Reds so yeah that the podcast
can be listened to you morning noon or
night anytime you want but here’s the
thing I don’t want any Brendan’s
listening to this so if there’s a
Brendon Jack on the subscribe now on our
vo hi yes
no give us I’m not interested in your
would you declare some kind of jihad on
people named Brendan because I mean cuz
look at them no no you want to appeal to
as many people as possible you want to
have a diverse audience doesn’t matter
if the name is Brendan or not it doesn’t
matter you just I would take a Brendan
I’ll take a Bob Gary Wanda Jesse sure
just mu L it doesn’t matter all those
are fine but obviously not Brendan’s and
and Linda’s we don’t need those Linda
McCartney we do not want her to listen
to this podcast oh she can’t why because
she’s in heaven nobody tells me these
things she’s in heaven making mediocre
music Linda Ronstadt Linda Johnson the
president United States yeah no well
Linda Johnson was we needed her that was
a time when they the country sort of
needed her after President Kennedy was
murdered yeah well she’s fine
yeah Brendan Behan or what is that Irish
dude yeah I mean up Irish dude oh very
legit Irish dude not interested I’m out
of Brandon’s well I’d imagine there are
millions of Brendan’s in this country
who do not listen to this podcast and
that’s good
no no you want the Brendan to listen
listen if your name is Brendan we’d love
to have you don’t listen to jack
Brendan’s are welcome here stop being
prejudiced look at that’s just the way I
am that’s just what you were raised that
way your parents are just anti Brendan
yeah I mean I observed it a lot you know
growing up in my house my dad would get
drunk and just go off on Brett he would
you know he got eat a plate of ravioli
and throw it against the wall saying
this is it’s cold it’s all the Brendan’s
his fault you blamed the Brendan’s for
that yeah I’m just saying I’m happy to
have Brendan’s listening just you can
listen you don’t listen to the jack
parts just listen to the my parts it
stills my name of the podcast and I
don’t need those garbage people
listening to my shot stop
sorry so Brian thanks for having us over
Jack what do you mean well this weekend
when you and your lovely foreign wife
had my wife and I over to your house for
a overnight sleepover TMI Jack how is
that TMI
why are you telling everybody you came
over what because I you know it’s I
think helps us connect with the viewers
to show that like wow these these
podcast heroes that we look up to are
they’re just like human they’re human
like us human like us yeah it makes it
seem so relatable that we would like
hang out with other people yes we hung
doubt yeah and my wife cooked no I
cooked well she you both i grilled you
grilled the heck out of the steak that’s
all I do
yep but she is a cook what you also made
the eggs well I made the eggs in the
morning so I grill and I cook in the
morning yeah i grill and i scramble yeah
and I make Caesar salad which is pretty
kick-ass Caesar salad yeah yep did you
like my Caesar salad everybody loves my
Caesar salad well if everybody does then
you don’t need to ask me a question I
can just tell from looking at you I’m
not exactly advanced that you’re sold on
my Caesar salad I don’t need to answer
the question because everybody loves it
I mean so this it’s been decided did you
enjoy it I mean everybody raves about
well everybody raves about it well there
you go everybody there’s the answer from
across the political spectrum have
always raved about my Caesar salad Jack
with so liberals and conservatives like
that sales yes it’s a unifying salad Wow
well I’m a little disappointed that
you’re not raving about my Caesar so
well that why I don’t need to when you
so clearly rave about it yourself most
of this podcast has been spent raving
about your freaking Caesar salad it’s
really good so but thank you for having
us up to UM up to your house you are
welcome you’re good company oh thank you
my wife likes you and your wife oh
that’s nice yeah hi kids are adorable oh
thank you yeah kids are good your your
your boys who I’ve known for a long time
and like both both of them very much
very different boys in terms of their
participation in family events yes well
one’s a teenager mm-hmm 15 and 12 are
dramatically different yeah yeah he
would show up for meals and it would
shockingly fast disappear the
fifteen-year-old yes yes yeah he just
doesn’t want to be around us oldies yeah
or anybody who even the kids like your
kids were like all over him he’s just
like nope none of this yeah he’s also
studying for midterms
so look at that he was he was dutifully
studying okay cuz he knows if he doesn’t
do well he loses screen time he at this
age that’s that’s a punishment for ya
okay just like during that downtime did
you get him like a like a subscription
to hustler or something is that even
still around
probably is it really you think paper
mangas of course yeah for sure
cuz isn’t Playboy’s gone isn’t it sorry
they just kind of didn’t they say they
weren’t gonna do naked ladies anymore
yeah then they they did that for about a
year and then they realized that yeah
that’s a good businessman the naked lady
biz line reading for the articles yeah
okay so they wait here’s the thing that
um we do so many bits where we pretend
we have different jobs or I’m breaking
your apartment silly things but here’s
an actual job that I had that probably
none of our V listeners know about along
the lines of this hustler magazine thing
I was the editor-in-chief of juggs
magazine for seven months
oh my god yeah I remember you told me
that that and that is a thousand percent
true I had done a pilot write another
pilot for HBO and while we were waiting
for the pilot to get picked up or not my
girlfriend at the time saw an ad at the
back of the Village Voice for seeking a
writer for juggs magazine like thirty
two thousand dollars a year to write and
so she said you need you’ve got you have
to apply for the you have to take the
train get that job because it just for
the stories just for like the sitcom
you’ll be able to write from it so I
applied for the job and because the the
guy liked that I like wrote jokes and
stuff that he thought like maybe become
like a Maxim magazine wow I got hired
and was the editor in chief for seven
months and I wrote everything I wrote
that magazine cover to cover
so that meant movie reviews what’s the
movie review like oh I give this one
three boobies like is it yes I came up
with the whole system but I would okay
so I would so I would do a few things
one I would just pack it with jokes so
this is true I once reviewed gangbang
auditions nine the movie and in my
review I wrote that I I saw it as three
distinct trilogies
and I would and then I would do things
like I would write fake letters to the
editor oh and then I wrote a review of
the third Harry Potter movie okay with
the premise of a poor reviewer who’s
disgusted that there’s no sex in the
movie sky also had the right model copy
so I had to write in the voice of the
women oh so it’s all fake yeah my
favorite time to make love is the
morning that’s why my name is dawn yes
that was me but again I couldn’t not
make jokes in it so like I once had a
pregnant chick and I wrote model copy
that she didn’t know who the dad was and
I made every possible father a member
from my fantasy baseball team are you
serious yes and so we would get here’s
here’s my favorite favorite story from
when I was at juggs magazine we would
occasionally solicit pictures from
people are not from regular people right
and you know if we use the pictures
they’d get like $300 or something and
we’d essentially buy that but the the
there you had to provide two things when
you send in your photos picture ID okay
that showed that you’re of age nothing
matters more in the porn business then I
got the chewier of age and the second
thing is proof of something showing your
address just for legal reasons that’s
what I think so we got one day we got a
model sent in pictures and then so I
looked at the picture that she sent in
of her holding the envelope and her
driver’s license sure enough that’s her
and the driver’s license and then I
looked at the envelope and it was from
the bank stamped insufficient funds $300
it was amazing I mean it was just it it
did told such a tale with just that one
photo so seven months of juggs magazine
why did you leave um it was it was just
too much it was yeah I hated it that’s
how you do you have any copies of this
my mom recently threw them out if she’s
just throwing much crazy there’s a
comedian friend of mine from that from
UCB who framed my Harry Potter review
she actually hung in her house because
she thought it was a queer what years
was it 2004 this
there you go that was them that was my
job for for seven months and I just I
hated it so Brian yes jack oh there’s
that grid what this is something this is
something that you totally know about
and are not making up on the spot so why
are you giving me that look I don’t know
no reason okay this is not something I’m
springing on you this is something has
been planned very enough yeah so I mean
fair enough
good so did you see the story that came
out in the last week how the leaked
version of Colin trevorrose completely
different version of Star Wars which
were actually there like 300 version
stars which version we talking about no
so episode 9 right not the mandalorian
No episode 9 the rise of sky will rise a
Skywalker rise of Skywalker math episode
now was written and directed by JJ
Abrams okay he was initially not going
to do that movie okay there was a man
there’s two men who were written hired
to write a screenplay for episode nine
and then one of those two guys Colin
Trevorrow also was going to direct it
okay so Colin Trevorrow was hired wrote
a screenplay handed it in and like Leia
was all it was like a big pile ten days
later Carrie Fisher died he gets fired
from the project Wow and that script
leaked last week so everyone is sort of
comparing what would absorb them is a
big deal for like something like that to
leak right especially with you know the
the rise of Skywalker being divisive
right so really interesting to see the
alternate version of movies that we love
yeah and I know this is something that
you collect this is all coming back to
me now yes it should be yeah so I was
wondering if you could talk to me about
some of the all-time classic movies and
the alternate versions that exist of
them of course so I know that you found
the alternate script for Rocky for Rocky
the movie Rocky about the boxer played
by Sylvester Stallone yeah I was
wondering if you could tell us some of
the ways that Rocky is different in the
version you found compared to what was
shot in the the version that I found
yeah they did not have Sylvester
Stallone in mind
Oh was weird that he because he wrote it
yeah yep
and it was actually it was actually
gonna be played by Louie Anderson really
yes and there was like it was about it
was like this story about like kind of a
heavyset guy who really wanted to be a
boxer uh-huh but like the other the
famous stair scene yeah that wasn’t in
it okay goes to an escalator and he just
rides up the escalator I mean the
music’s there done yeah yeah yeah but
it’s not as dramatic because he’s just
kind of going up the escalator and the
escalator is kind of slow and then when
he’s making his breakfast and he cracks
open leo eggs and he’s yeah eggs and all
classics yeah and eggs and eggs and eggs
and just kid he just fills a thing with
eggs uh-huh
and then adds pancake batter and then he
whips that all up but then he makes
these giant pancakes as a whole scene
where he’s making these enormous
pancakes really and then eating them and
the Ben he’s watching boxing on TV okay
trying to learn the moves as he’s having
the pancakes so that’s how we trained so
you it was he wasn’t like a scrappy
fighter from the streets no he was for a
middle-class household
he was an actuary oh yeah so this was
kind of like a side gig for him it
wasn’t his passion completely uh-huh
and you know and his actually it was
called rocky because his last name was
Rockefeller oh it was like a distant
distant cousin oh wow so he’s probably a
little bit now he’s just okay okay yeah
his dad made bad decisions today okay so
so Rockefeller yeah
that’s so interesting so and yeah and
then you know he falls in love with
Adrian yep but she’s not Tori she wants
to be friends oh so there’s a scene you
know there’s the final scene he’s
fighting he’s looking over at her and
kind of making eye contact and she’s
just keeps mouthing platonic as he’s
fighting which really takes the wind out
of his sails yeah
so he gets ko’d oh so he gets oh that’s
the ending is that Apollo Creed knocks
him out yeah and it wasn’t Apollo Creed
oh it was it a Richard Dreyfuss and what
would that fight be like it was more you
know how you in boxing you know you have
you know the Opera card I have the
yeah it was mostly slapping oh so they
just come they had the gloves and
they’re just kind of slap at each other
and then back away very timidly and then
run in and slap uh-huh then back up and
kind of do this thing and you know one
would kind of block his head is the
other one was just slapping and slapping
and slapping so after the fight though
it like was there something that sort of
sealed the deal like you’re Adrienne she
runs into the ring and then what happens
yeah she comes running back into the
ring uh-huh
and then falls in love oh that’s old
your Dreifuss oh no yeah and there at
once again there’s the lesson is like if
you don’t do it have s you’re not gonna
get you’re not gonna win you’re not
gonna get the girl right yeah
Wow very different yep thanks for
sharing up yeah yeah I’m glad you
brought that up so here’s another one
that I I I know that there’s an
alternate version of that you bragged to
me once that you collected and I don’t
see how this could be different but I
mean you tell me
Schindler’s List very different
screenplay you said and I was wondering
if you could sort of illuminate us about
how different that could be Schindler’s
List yeah yes just give me a minute we
call yeah I can see you rubbing your
temples to try and recall yeah yeah so
Oskar Schindler mm-hmm who’s a German
businessman yep who
you know sought to make a profit during
the war mm-hmm using cheap labor and yep
but then kind of grew a heart doing it
basically I rescued a lot of people so
what he did was kind of to take people’s
minds off of the horrors of mm-hmm a
concentration camp
he created a shin lose list which was a
list of things you had to collect oh and
you know the winner got extra rations so
they were basically tasked with going
around and collecting things like you
know maybe like one of those old Nazi
pins yeah or an acorn or when I was put
something that says Achtung on it yeah
posters flyers that they had around sure
so say you know so you had to gather all
these things up and then you know
present them and then you win and then
we remind me again what they win if they
am small Schindler’s List extra rations
another 100 grams of bread oh wow how
exciting yeah so it’s sort of like a
comedic adventure scavenger hunt movie
yeah huh and then in Spielberg saw the
script and felt like it didn’t really
take into account the kind of the
horrors of things and it kind of made
light of a tragedy so he changed it a
so he decided to make it way less fun
yeah he revisited again and then he made
it about getting the people out of the
case such a bummer and and pre Spielberg
it was like a really wacky cast you told
me oh yeah it was Burt Reynolds as
Schindler as Oskar Shindler uh-huh
and Ben Kingsley mm-hmm was played by
Ricky Martin yeah it was a CI was
strange that’s just strange I don’t I
don’t even know what that movie is yeah
I don’t either Ricky wasn’t even hey I
think that’s how he talked sure yeah
Wow yeah that’s what what a fascinating
movie that would have been and then so
do you feel like like Spielberg just
sort of took that and was like I’ll push
my politics on this movie or yeah I
think the others there’s always been
this drive to not have entertaining you
know funny on all the cost movies yeah
they always seem to want to be dark and
you know and sad and serious and I don’t
think you know they Hollywood really
shut you down
mhm come in with a comedic Holocaust
script yeah yeah that’s a shame yeah
it’s just this is why people complain
about Hollywood yeah it’s just sort of
all the same ideas rehashed over and
over again it’s always the Germans that
are always killing the Jews and so you
know it’s like what’s give us something
that give us a different take yeah you
said you found the an alternate version
of ET and again another Spielberg film
and a very very different version that
what audiences fell in love with yeah
so in the the original version hmm you
know et comes and Eliot takes him in
but Eliot starts to develop a rash okay
and it turns out the these aliens carry
smallpox of some sort like a galactic
smallpox you know kind of like we are
the Europeans came to the black new
world and well they just see they
brought all their diseases with them
that the Indians that had you know the
Native Americans had no yep resistance
to the same thing aliens come we don’t
know what they’re bringing of course
so Elliott just sees this adorable
little thing doesn’t realize these tiny
little molecules that are penetrating
his body and eating his cells and so
basically Elliott turns into a zombie oh
my gosh yeah and then proceeds to attack
his family and it becomes a zombie flick
no kidding yeah back in 1982 that was
that would be a unique take yeah and he
so then you know et is on the run that
he’s being chased by by Elliott zombie
kids yeah on a bike zombie g-men who are
coming after oh no kidding
and sad he’s just like Votto photophone
oh that’s not as adorable we know like
that at all is a panicked terrified
phone home but ultimately he escapes and
goes back to space whoa whoa okay so
sort of the same ending I guess it’s
different cuz he’s like you know how he
has the glowing finger yeah in in the
ending of this he’s you can see him in
the window it’s a glowing middle finger
okay he’s just pointing it at the earth
he’s just like you jug’s
Wow okay that’s really interesting and
yeah now et doesn’t stand for
extraterrestrial in this a et stands for
what was it again extremely terrifying
oh gosh
yeah that’s not as fun as
extraterrestrial right huh in that
version the Reese’s Pieces weren’t um
weren’t candies that they were there
just lesions that kept falling off et
yes that’s so interesting
yeah they were just like a little bit
that’s how Elliot gets the you know
disease because he he sees this little
thing on the floor he mistakes it for
candy yep and he reaches down he picks
it up and he crunches it
it’s got a creamy interior yeah and then
et’s like no that’s pus Oh easy says
that yeah the straight-up line that et
says there no no that’s puddy okay just
like no that’s pus Wow yeah um thanks
for that Brian that’s really good thank
you for that Brian I here’s an
interesting movie that was I mean
apparently vastly different I’m really
excited to hear it on the Muppet movie
I love Muppets I know you do
says wonder so the Muppet movie you know
originally as you know sort of a
whimsical adventure of you know Kermit
starting off in a swamp with a dream to
go to Hollywood it’s all about following
your dreams and winding up and in
Hollywood and meeting a bunch of friends
on the way it’s sort of a road flick and
everything very different movie
originally yeah The Muppet movie The
Muppet movie yeah this one I mean the
original version Kermit works for the
mob no yeah and he he’s an enforcer
uh-huh a tough he’s a tough and he’s
been tasked with whacking somebody so he
does the deed mm-hmm
but then he needs help because he killed
snuffleupagus who was very heavy and he
has to get him to the desert with his
friends mm-hmm and bury the body uh-huh
so he’s basically a lot of the movies
him gathering his you know anyway and
you know gathering all his friends and
him taking stuff up I guess rolling him
up in her in a carpet and then tossing
him in the back of a pickup truck
mm-hmm and of course there’s a knee high
jinks because as they’re driving like
the the carpet starts unraveling aha
about to reveal snuffleupagus his body
yeah to all the people in the highway
you know you have gonzo and Miss Piggy
you know freaking out and Oscar and oh
they just go in like it like a killing
spree of just anyone who they think
might have seen something yeah well
that’s what happens is they’re making
their way to the Vegas desert and they
pull out a gas station
and accidentally this they see they
noticed that their gas station
attendants a snuffleupagus oh wow so you
Kermit takes him out back how does he
how do they do it in he act was the most
Muppet way they can kill him he has an
ear compressor attached to a piston that
he places on his forehead that shoots
the piston into his head so I
shamelessly yeah that’s really um but
it’s graphic yes murderous but it’s
painless Wow
and and and you said them you told me
that gonzo goes and some sort of bizarre
killing spree like there’s almost like a
10-minute interlude with like a s yeah
that’s a song and a gonzo does peyote
which apparently makes him very violent
yeah and so he mows down this family
with his car and that you know everybody
everybody’s losing it and then Kermit
wants to kill gonzo like he thinks gonzo
needs to go he’s he’s just creating
either more problems and not solving
enough yeah but Miss Piggy talks him out
of it
he only listens to Miss Piggy and what
are they what’s what’s the intimacy
level between Kermit and piggy
Oh max yeah pretty much and I don’t know
what that means
I mean max can mean so much I mean they
you know it’s a pig and a frog boy how
bad could it be I mean they’re kind of
you know they they’re getting very
intimate and then Lisa Bonet enters and
then the three of them just a tremendous
love scene tremendous love scene it’s
from men just love see ya ha Kermit
piggy and Lisa Bonet I mean when Lisa
Bonet shows up in your movie you know
things are going down yeah Wow I mean
what’s the dynamic of that love scene
Lisa Bonet is his ex okay so he had a
relationship with everybody then he went
to Miss Piggy but she’s not gonna mess
with Kermit she’s terrified of Kermit
yep so Wow yeah that’s this amazing
scene it sounds really me and and you
said it’s um a really zany ending to
them how does it all end well they they
get out to the desert
they you know they fight they dig it
they have to dig a hole for em hmm an
elephant so you know super
time-consuming ah always good in movies
good time time-consuming diggings is
usually good film but then Ganzer and
Gonzo’s again he’s on pcp now so he’s
down there and he’s digging like maniac
digging digging uh-huh hits oil what
yeah oil shoots up in the air and they
just look around the classic muppet
happy end here wow that’s awesome one
the art that’s the first movie I’m gonna
say was um was better in the original
version I agree but that’s a mistake
huge mistake Wow Lisa Bonet he said yes
man that is something else yeah the
movie that launched the most famous
smile of the last 40 years Julia Roberts
of course and pretty woman the story of
Richard Gere meeting a prostitute and
taking her in right and and and they’re
unlikely comedic romance a coat with
co-star Jason Alexander you know a
George from Seinfeld yeah you got a the
early version of that screenplay mm-hmm
do please do tell a pretty woman you
know the early version she’s still a
prostitute with a heart of gold oh good
and she still is this is her first trick
like she’s she’s still innocent okay so
she has a day thing all right and so
Richard Gere you know they strike up a
friendship not just a friendship well I
mean they they’re getting more and you
can see the romance building hmm and
then things get hot and heavy okay and
you know she unbuttoned his shirt
mm-hmm pulls his shirt open he’s got
giant breasts he’s the pretty woman yes
oh my god he her eyes she’s like what
and then she unbuckles in his pants and
pulls them down vagina no oh the pretty
woman oh my guess so crying yeah says
very Crying Game
and she’s like whoa whoa
just like I didn’t want to tell you but
I love you and uh uh that’s a different
vibe so what’s her reaction well she’s
like she’s like I’m not into girls I’m
sorry I’m not into girls she’s like but
you love me for me and it’s like I do
but not I can’t I’m not I just I’m not
I’m a hooker with a heart of gold
uh-huh so he winds up becoming her madam
so you know now he’s he’s working for
him oh he’s running this bordello and
she works for him he’s our man and
there’s a but or she I’m sorry she’s her
madam and but there’s always this this
tension because he’s she’s in love with
Robert Julia Roberts but meanwhile
selling her to the you know to whoever
to actual man the actual man yeah
willing to pay so she’s it says it’s
very conflicted it’s very sad at the end
he’s looking through the keyhole uh-huh
she’s looking through the keyhole and I
mean no and you know there’s Julia
Roberts with us John yep and then Lisa
Bonet rises from behind the bed no yeah
oh no yeah it’s just like she’s like and
then you see Julia Roberts go to town on
Lisa Bonet so you realize it wasn’t
about Richard Gere being a woman Julia
Roberts is just not into Richard Gere oh
that hurts and his heart breaks her
heart breaks do you just see you like
he’s just devastated oh gosh oh my god
Lisa Bonet will do it with anyone on
yeah oh my gosh Wow okay um pretty woman
yeah okay um Saving Private Ryan yeah
the original draft was set at a frat
oh and it’s basically this guy’s tasked
with getting Ryan out cuz we’re out of
this frat party okay because it’s time
to go he’s making an ass out of himself
I’m gonna get him and so it’s you know
that it lacks a lot of the drama
yeah and it’s basically you know about
getting into this frat house and finding
where Ryan is well the first 20 minutes
of Saving Private Ryan
are some of the most compelling scenes
you’ll ever see in a war flick the
storming of the beach of Normandy those
are those first 20 minutes are
breathtaking yes what are the first 20
minutes of this movie like trying to
find parking it’s a huge party
everybody’s parked everywhere they’re
all down the street some of they’re
parked all there’s just nowhere to park
so it’s just like this really dramatic
dramatic tense like we’re trying to
probably think somebody’s pulling out
yeah yeah but I feel like they’re
actually just back again oh man just
adjusting with the RO just in the car
and then he sees somebody milling about
their car and he’s like are they leaving
mm-hmm I don’t know but he’s waiting but
the car pulls up behind it with the
lights on yeah I was like ah come on
come on then finally gives up and goes
then he sees a note wide open spaces ago
God thank God he pulls in he sees the
fire hydrant oh geez yeah so it’s just
super stressful okay it’s so similar
yeah yeah very similar then there you
know there’s the you know the the
challenge of you know trying to find
right Ryan without losing your friends
in this party mm-hmm
it’s a big frat house there are lots of
rooms it’s dark it’s loud that it’s
crowded so it’s just you know it’s a
struggle how does it end he finds him oh
why is he called Private Ryan in the
title because he’s he’s very shy keeps
to himself he doesn’t share a lot of
stuff so it’s just a nickname
yes his nickname they come Private Ryan
cuz he’s just like he’s not like how you
doing huh he’s just not a very
expressive person huh a lot of people
think he’s autistic but he’s not he just
doesn’t have much of her personality
no Saving Private Ryan yep well Brian
thank you so much for for you for your
hard work as a collector of Hollywood
history yeah well that’s my thing as a
cinephile III thank you for here you sir
no that’s not that’s not someone who has
sex with film that there’s someone who
oh um a cinephile is like a giant let’s
just say a giant fan of cinema okay
that’s me yep Jack there’s news you
missed I doubt that I know there is you
know what happens every day every week
every month this is this endless trump
news cycle huh and a lot of news
to the cracks well I mean the first you
know 20 pages the newspaper dedicated
select the impeachment yeah but then if
you go to twice all that’s happening in
the world oh that’s not true there’s
more Jack and I I find these news
stories and I bring them to you oh okay
well thanks that well look do you can do
you have an example of one of these news
stories yes I do
oh could I hear it you may would you
read it to me I will if you would let
the music start a Texas woman is the
latest in a string of mothers who
mistakenly believe that their child is
extraordinary according to sources 32
year old Joanne Belfort of Highland Park
in Dallas told several mothers in a
weekly playgroup that her seven-year-old
son Atticus started walking early
talking early and reading early when in
fact none of the child’s milestones were
anything out of the ordinary when
compared with national averages Belford
also claimed that her child had amazing
motor coordination and was musically
talented because he likes to hum songs
other mothers in the group stay that
they believe Belford claims are
far-fetched and somewhat ridiculous but
they won’t address her directly because
she hosts the playgroup in her large and
comfy family room come flea come flea
wait we in Texas what does that mean I
don’t know dance I don’t know tell us
because comfortable that’s how they say
it there oh is that true yeah that’s
really the way to keep them the way to
make it dumb a regional yeah no I like
to cater to them directly really good
job on that some Atticus you say Atticus
it almost seems like a name don’t take
offense to this please yeah okay it
almost seems like a name that you would
make up with a contempt that you have
for that type of person that name is a
name I have heard at the playground I
bet it is yeah I’ve heard Atticus uh-huh
story story story uh-huh this kid was
like oh I was at the play on the kids
and this kids a story story story and
I’m like your friend’s name is story so
yeah I’m like oh you were so you left
your a year old boy yeah also I’m one of
my favorite playground hamsters so I
hear that this woman’s walk around going
and I turn to this mom at the playground
like she’s named her kids Symphony and
she goes no no it’s sinfoni I’m like
what great it’s like si and I’m like how
did that happens like I don’t know maybe
she doesn’t know how to spell Symphony
but it’s like she was yelling if she
named her kid symphony I love that
thought that the woman would explain
that tunes her like we roll our eyes and
be like come on Jamiroquai Dasani Dasani
wow that good stroke good find Brian
Thank You Jackie and do you still see
you like like you’ll search through like
the Dallas Morning News I got I read
tons of papers yeah you know New York
Times Washington Post Dallas Morning
News Philadelphia Herald 16 Chicago
paper Los Angeles
read read them did the read him yeah
they called the read them oh that’s how
they said they’re okay boy you’d sure
know a lot more than Times the Portland
yeah since the Los Angeles read them and
the Portland time yeah okay yeah there’s
so many newspapers that’s really good
well I guess that’s all the news that we
missed that’s although certainly mother
of god Jack have you not you have you
not learned there was always more news
what yeah I’m so happy oh yeah tell me
more I will
a Los Angeles man is reconsidering his
political views after being called a Lib
tard on social media 28 year old Aaron
Haynes of Sherman Oaks said that early
yesterday morning he issued a tweet
saying he felt that the Second Amendment
was vague and should be reworded after
response calling him a quote ignorant
Lib tard end quote
Hanes said that the response by angry
Mike to 2 9 3 caused him to reevaluate
his stance
although Haynes says he’s not 100% ready
to commit to changing his point of view
he does note that angry mic presumably
had some valid points even if he failed
to share them Wow so that’s a way that’s
I guess people really can make a
difference online yeah just you just
call people names and then eventually
they’ll be like wow I guess you were
right i mean i don’t if i insult you
don’t you feel like oh yeah I should see
Brian’s way all the time yeah yeah big
dumb jerk I agree that I’m a bad person
Wow really work yeah yeah that’s how it
works so well there’s a good fight and
you there was a Los Angeles man you said
so you must have found that in the Los
Angeles read him the Los Angeles read
him yeah meat yeah ok anyway any more
stories yes as a matter of fact there is
sweet a Roanoke man is driving back from
the airport with a woman who does not
look like the one he’d been
corresponding with 29 year-old Timothy
Cummins told the reporters he picked up
a man to bonham at the Roanoke
Blacksburg Erie Regional Airport in
person after corresponding with her for
several months on match.com
Cummins said he was currently driving
toward his apartment grappling with a
polite way to ask her why she looks so
dramatically different from her online
persona in a statement delivered inside
his head he stated that his weekend
plans would probably be altered as he
was now hesitant to introduce bonham to
his friends bottom was unavailable for
comment as she was staring out of the
window trying to think of a way to
explain why her profile photos were of
her best friend Diane Wow that’s a
that’s a tail yeah Wow and then drone
oka yeah a good fight and a man to
bottom is her name Bonham Obama like
Jessie Bonham oh I thought it was like
bottom like you know you have a stinky
bottom no Bonham like John Bonham who
died the unpick from drinking too much
great drummer though Led Zeppelin there
you go you know Led Zeppelin I might I
know I’ve heard of them you know John
Bonham no it was a drummer Digital Oh
drum sounds duty oh now I know his work
okay Iraqi SWAT teams apprehended a
high-ranking Isis cleric who had been
hiding out in the city of Mosul Abu
Abdullah Bari who was so fat he’s been
nicknamed Jabba the Hutt and also called
a walrus is responsible for ordering the
execution of clerics and scholars who
refused to pledge allegiance to the
Islamic state he’s also said to be
responsible for the destruction of the
tomb of the biblical prophet Jonah no
because of the extent of his crimes the
Geneva Convention does not apply and the
big fat fat it can be fat shamed before
being hung with tremendous difficulty
because he’s so incredibly fat did you
see the photo of that guy
no oh my it’s like almost like this I
did see him I didn’t see him gaya
yeah they had thrown the back of a
pickup truck yes so big yeah yeah it’s
awesome anyways a dead man from like
diabetes I mean they’re gonna hang him
before diabetes gets them okay well I
think that’s that’s a race he’s been
sentenced to type to day well is that it
brain nope
how can there possibly be a fifth story
there is Wow okay ready I am right now I
can’t wait to see which of these we cut
for time
well fans of football will be happy to
know that Super Bowl Live is right
around the corner and it’s gonna be
Chiefs vs. 4 Niners Super Bowl live will
take place in Miami a Cuban city south
of Florida good luck to you teams and
may the best team get the most points
good work question mark so I’m excited
because today we have I think a really
good timely interview it’s a it’s a very
2020 topic it’s pop culture so I’m very
excited to talk to this person yeah he
works in Hollywood at what some are
describing the fastest-growing
profession in the entertainment industry
do you know what that is the
fastest-growing profession in the
entertainment industry is which sounds
like a setup to a joke but this is a
true that it is a pining on politics
that’s an excellent guess but it’s
actually called an intimacy coordinator
so these are people who are hired to
basically oversee any sort of love scene
sex scene kissing anything intimate that
goes on on a TV show or movie an
intimacy coordinator comes in almost
like a stunt coordinator right and make
sure that everyone is comfortable with
what’s happening it’s an interesting job
and I think our listeners could stand to
learn a lot from someone like that yes
so you ready to bring him out yes okay
great so as I said our first guest is
what you know what you always say first
guest but it’s always our only guest
all right fine are once again only guest
tonight as a man named Richard Slade as
I pointed out he’s an intimacy
coordinator in well is that what does
that sound do you hear that
I do should I wait is it like a it’s my
pass it’s a call to prayer Jack oh you
had is there someone in the building who
I’m being summoned you’re you
specifically are being summoned yes
Shh by a call to prayer yes why let you
this weekend remember when I popped off
for like half an hour yeah you were just
gone yeah I converted you you converted
yes from not really a much of anything
to uh I’m a Muslim you’re a Muslim and I
have converted to the Islamic faith over
hat what was the conversion like it was
pretty pretty painless okay this says I
can’t want to do this thing they’re like
okay can do this thing so you sought it
out you decided that right before dinner
on Saturday night but you were gonna
convert well you know you know Price
Chopper yeah the grocery store of course
so when you go in the you scan your
little keychain yep and then these
little thing pops out with all these
coupons yes well one of the coupons was
a dollar fifty conversion and so I was
like okay well I was looking through my
list was like I don’t need the Snapple
coupon uh-huh I could probably use the
lie so cool all right
Kellogg’s sure something you’ll play
yeah you’ll play I don’t do it’s too
sugary hmm and then there was a convert
for a dollar fifty off another go okay
how much total is the conversion $800
yes didn’t seem like that much savings
but is savings a savings in my head if
you’re saving something then it’s worth
it you almost seem like the type of
person who would never convert to being
a Muslims there’s a strange reason to
want to convert a I would think it’s
fine if you want to be a convert to the
Muslim faith I think that’s wonderful
but it doesn’t seem like you’re doing it
for the right reasons
ah I gotta do what I gotta do okay
that’s the classic religious zealot line
five times a day Jack well it seems like
a lot are you guys how are you finding
your time with faith before you head off
to prayer I’ll be it’s honestly it’s a
little annoying it says I didn’t expect
you to be this demanding mm-hmm
it is the early morning one and the mid
date night yeah is this a lot in this
it’s annoying but you know I’m just
getting used to it it doesn’t seem like
you’re into it I’m totally into it it’s
okay yeah so well you’ve been called to
prayer what are you gonna pray about
I think today’s sermon is prayer is more
powerful than sleep okay well good luck
I don’t let my laughing at your idiocy
right confuse the fact that I am really
steamed that you would I understand find
a way to leave the pocket I know it
looks bad every time right it does look
bad you you don’t look professional I
need to go alright well be take care
yourself good luck with prayer
all right pray for our podcast I will J
ask a lot of questions a Quran I don’t
know what that means thank you okay
anyway it’s just me again but that’s
gonna be okay you’re in good hands
everybody like I said our only guest
tonight is an intimacy coordinator who’s
right now they say he is the busiest man
in Hollywood he is always working on a
different project please welcome Richard
Slade Richard welcome to the program
thank you jack and thank you for having
me you are quite welcome
so Richard can you tell our listeners
what an intimacy coordinator is well an
intimacy coordinator coordinates any
potential relationship between two
actors mmm in a film okay and so what we
do is we facilitate these these love
scenes if you want to call it that
romantic scenes and we help facilitate
them so that they are all parties
involved are comfortable and don’t feel
like they’re being violated and they’re
not doing anything they don’t like okay
like can you give an example of the
types of things that perhaps actors
raise a red flag to or or have been too
afraid to raise the red flag about in
the past
sure now if you have a scene we go over
the scene if we take the particular love
scene we’ll sit down with the actors and
we’ll say okay on this particular scene
a Marvin is supposed to touch your bum
and we turn to the actress we say
Rebecca can Marvin touch your bum and
she will say yes he can touch my bum and
we checked that off on there’s a
checklist it’ll say touch Rebecca’s bum
we check it off okay we can show you she
can eat my oven could touch Rebecca’s
okay and then we go down the list and
then okay what comes next well you’re
Rebecca is it okay if you and Marvin
kiss yes okay we check that on him and
then khon kaen Marvin use tongue and she
might say um I’d rather not and then we
do okay do the fake tongue kissing fake
tongue kissing yeah just push your face
and harder and you just pretend you’d
using the tongue okay and so sort of
like a vacuum lock of lips but you can’t
tell what’s going on inside right okay
and then there’ll be other things so you
know there’s a scene here now you’re
gonna be looks like you’re gonna play
finger bum Oh finger bum yeah I okay I
don’t maybe I don’t know what that is
well you will and you see the next Star
Wars oh wow I just worked on no yeah
okay and so you know and Rebecca might
say I don’t wish to play finger bump or
I do wish to play finger oh it’s okay
it’s not okay so we’re all about people
feeling comfortable with the scenes that
they are performing I’ve read it that
it’s sort of compared to being like a
stunt coordinator that you sort of
coordinate the you know the ins and outs
if you will of a of a sex scene for
example so could you sort of talk about
your role in terms of um yes so as a
stunt coordinator or a fight coordinator
will will get in and they will they’ll
work with the actors okay you’re gonna
swing your arm here you’re gonna block
here you’re gonna step back here you’re
gonna run up the stairs and turn here
same thing an intimacy coordinator is
the very same thing except we’re doing a
romantic scenes mm-hmm
so you know you’re gonna wink here
you’re gonna boob squeeze here you’re
gonna turn to the side here bum touch
bum touch and then turn to the front and
you know noogie noogie and and then kiss
kiss finger in the nose look at the
finger wave typical things that happen
in it in the sexual performance okay um
I’m now inspired to ask you about your
sex life
what um how’s your sex life gone you
know like well how many partners have
you had just draw from experience I
don’t think it’s necessarily important
though how many partners uh an intimacy
consultant has had mhm just like a life
coach doesn’t necessarily have to know
how to function in life or psychologist
might be crazy it doesn’t really matter
true it’s you know it’s what you’re
doing professionally and how it’s
working on the set so like tell me about
the next Star Wars film and and it
sounds like you’re in the middle of a
bunch of complicated I know the fight
scenes are complicated I imagine these
love scenes like the this finger bum
is incredibly dynamic tell us about tell
us about some of the cutting-edge sexy
do you have coming up well there’s a
scene between Boba Fett and a Jawa mm-hm
and the Jawas played by Peter Dinklage
and Boba Fett is played by Dwayne the
rock Johnson and they have a scene and
we have to make sure that both actors
are comfortable with the scene the scene
involves the Jawa riding naked on the
back of Boba Fett aha
and we had to make sure that Dwayne the
rock Johnson is okay with the man’s
penis brushing against his shoulder
blades okay that’s on your checklist
mm-hmm-hmm and what about Peter Dinklage
I mean I I yes well he has to be
comfortable with humping the back head
of Dwayne the rock Johnson I mean who
wouldn’t have a I mean who would have a
problem with that that’s that’s an honor
oh you’d be surprised there people have
their different hangups and things
really in this particular case it seems
to be fine they are both actors we have
been rehearsing the scene over and over
again really yeah they’ve even taken it
there they’ve gone off on their own to
rehearse the scene oh good for them and
and then they report back to me the next
day and then tell me that it went great
Nick mm-hmm very tired oh so they really
spent a lot of time rehearsing mm-hmm
okay you must be proud of your pupils at
that point I am there was a scene
between John Travolta uh-huh who plays
Jabba the Hutt’s great grandson
and another robot Detroit uh-huh but it
looks like a young man hmm and so we
have to make sure that John’s felt is
comfortable you performing sexual acts
with what looks like a young man that
I’m sure he wouldn’t be that doesn’t I’m
just that can’t how did you ever get him
to agree to that
he it took some took some adjustments
for him okay he said how young is he and
I said is maybe 27 huh he said hmm okay
I guess I can okay was he disappointed
too young for him I don’t know he just
seemed generally disappointed okay it
must have been very difficult for John
Travolta to channel this gay side of
himself I guess I mean he seems sure I
have a depth I mean he’s a good actor
and it looks like he really enjoys that
particular role okay and then he really
took to it he asked us to shoot it
several times I’m no kidding yeah he
wanted to try different angles we have
from every angle every angle and then
you know he wanted to look at the
dailies self just kind of make sure the
scene looked okay give his approval on
it how many days did it take to shoot
that one scene 17 17 days for just the
sex scene I’ll be honest I’ve never seen
him so happy so incredibly happy I mean
that’s just a man who loves his craft
that’s a that’s a craftsman yeah wow
that’s really interesting and and again
so he plays like Jabba the Hutt’s
great-grandson mm-hmm what’s remind me
what his name is again in the Star Wars
Canon Oren Thal or involve the Hutt and
so he’s making it with them what’s the
droids name again or install the hut and
peepee Bo Peep EB oh yes the droid yes
hey what what does that stand for
anything pretty a pretty big organ
excuse me um pretty pretty big oh that’s
so Star Wars yeah
I’ve stuck with the Canon yeah no you
got to stick with yeah what’s yeah um
okay and and so you you were on that and
it’s antigen Travolta was comfortable
with everything berry mm-hmm very okay
did you know see the sort of actor that
comes like with a lot of ideas to a
scene yeah I mean he you know originally
it was supposed to be just a very brief
seeing like a quick kiss like just that
little pack yeah
with the Droid and or install the hot
and then he’s keeping with Star Wars
it’s not a lot of focus on bromance yeah
and then he took the director aside and
said I have some idea and and and then
you know said maybe instead of just a
little peck on the cheek type thing
maybe and then that’s when it involved
into the the seven-page seeing that it
is okay and so they just added a bunch
of pages they added about 5% to the
script yeah just for a hot droid pump
scene it would you say that’s an
accurate you know is more I mean it’s a
romantic scene I wouldn’t call it a hump
scene I think that suggests it’s more
I’m vulgar than it is I think it’s very
romantic it’s very tender he what’s the
most romantic thing we do the peepee Bo
has he gives P P Bo a back rub and just
it’s a very long sustained back rub
with lotion galactic lotion oh okay it’s
bad sounds outer Spacey you know he just
his Freight tender John Travolta’s just
rubbing his
his Android by and he’s you know he’s an
Android but he’s really looks human
uh-huh really him yeah he looks very
very human he’s really just painted a
slight shade of pink uh-huh so he looks
very human mm-hmm and then you know the
orang Thal the hodge rubs his shoulders
and rubs his back and works his way down
and the Android just keeps saying I’m so
tense I’m an Android I’m just saying
it’s silence and so tense okay man and
then you know he flips him over on the
table and then says oh I didn’t know
androids could do that and he says oh
yes we can
he says well what else can you do and
then they the scene takes it from there
it takes off from there that’s that’s
the launching point yeah mister Travolta
really spent a lot of time working out
this scene and how much further does it
go from that point well I don’t want to
give too much away no please do that
Scientology coming for us there’s a
scene with lightsabers oh okay
that’s more start with that because I
think you’re gonna lose a lot of fans
personally on this movie so far but that
sounds good that sounds like fanservice
if you will
yeah I mean in lightsabers is a
euphemism Oh 400 so and they have a you
would call it a fight I think you know
it’s a little disagreement who wins the
argument I guess or install the hard way
throat fucks the movie enjoyed
this doesn’t seem like my bag anymore I
did not see any of that coming well the
Droid did there you go folks I’ll see
you at the movies um thank you for being
here thank you jack mm-hmm okay well
it’s been a pleasure being here on your
podcast thank you and I hope to be back
many times um you won’t be but thank you
for being here this one time thank you
for having me this one time okay
that was Richard Slade everybody you can
see his work actually don’t see this
work I’d like to thank you all for
listening we have the best listeners in
the world thank you so much for your
reviews continue to spread the love
spread the word thank you
with let me get my bike that was
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