Brian’s Reviews

Review of the DDR Museum

The DDR Museum is a celebration of the glorious years of the communist-run German Democratic Republic

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Review of Bar B

Bar B is narrow, like the political mindset of most 18-year olds.

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Review of Motel Morris

It’s not a dank, vegan miseryplex filled with pouty-faced, one-star-giving, unappeasable jobbernowls

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Review of Blenheim

Our waitress had gone from table to farm. Or Canada.

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Review of Haven’s Kitchen

Everyone gets assigned tasks. Chopping things. Stirring things. Mixing things. Separating yolks. We all had purpose in our lives. FOR ONCE.

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Review of Barry’s Boot Camp

The instructor cycles you through jogging and running in the dark to simulate being chased through Central Park at 2am by a pack of feral teens.

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Review of Old Ebbitt Grill

He feels all pasta should look like either tubes or noodles. I told him not to be a pasta racist.

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Review of Cesar’s Shoe Repair

John Varvatos makes stylish shoes that disintegrate because they’re made in China.

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Review of Sleep No More

After the grand finale I found my wife again and we compared notes: I’d seen a wonderful pair of breasts and my wife had seen two penises.

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